The LFS Jaffa Cake Challenge

[thisnameistaken]

Do you have what it takes (a giant void in the front of your head, basically) to simultaneously consume more jaffa cakes than your racing rivals? For some time, Tristan has been generally considered to have the biggest mouth in LFS. This challenge will determine the truth once and for all!

The challenge is to insert as many whole jaffa cakes into your mouth as possible, and to proceed to chew and swallow the majority of the confection according to the rules set out below.

The End Is Nigh: Competition closes Monday 16th October!

Note To International Competitors: Jaffa Cakes can be bought here for delivery to EU countries within five working days. Follow the link marked "Biscuits", temporarily suspending any strong opinions you may have as to whether Jaffa Cakes are actually biscuits.

The Rules:

1) Jaffa cakes may not be tampered with prior to insertion. Any softening or breaking of the cakes will void the attempt.

1a) Generic substitute Jaffa-esque cakes may not be used - the FIJC only uses one Jaffa Cake supplier: McVities, however we will allow a special dispensation to privateer entries (students) to use cheaper Jaffa Cakes providing the rest of the entrants unanimously agree.

1b) If any other flavour than orange is used we will require a bloody good explanation as to why.

1c) "Griesson Soft Cakes" may be used in nations where they are more readily available than Jaffa Cakes.

2) All Jaffa cakes must be held, whole, within the mouth prior to munching.

3) Jaffa cakes may be inserted singly, or as a formed stack, into any cavity the mouth provides.

4) The mouth does not have to close following insertion, but any cakes which - when viewed in profile - clearly protrude to the point where the lips could not possibly close around them will not be counted.

5) All cakes must be inserted within a reasonable timeframe to preclude the pre-moistening of any spongey biscuit which comes into contact with saliva-producing thingies. Any longer than thirty seconds for the insertion stage will result in the attempt being brought before the steward, who is quite a mean person, and will probably disallow the attempt.

6) All confection must remain fully within the bounds of the mouth during the attempt. If any cake or cakes is pushed out beyond the perimeter outlined in rule #4 during the mastication stage, the attempt will be declared void.

7) No cake segments, including lumps of sponge, chocolate flakes, or bits of weird rubbery orange-flavoured stuff, are allowed to fall from the mouth at any time during the attempt.

8) During mastication no foreign bodies, including but not limited to: Fingers, sticks, spatulas, whisks, hand blenders, forks, screwdrivers, hamsters, may be used to aid the jaffa cake destruction process.

9) The participant must demonstrate that the majority of his/her cakes have been swallowed to successfully end the run. The competitor may leave a cake remainder which could reasonably be considered to be routinely consumable by a non-competitive jaffa cake eater. So, approximately one jaffa-cake's worth of mushed up spongey brown mess left in your gob is acceptable.

10) If you do anything against the "spirit of the rules" I will declare you to be a movable aerodynamic device and your attempt will be void.

11) Please don't die.

The Prizes:

To be determined. There will be prizes, and they will be suitably ironic. A postal address will be required if you wish to claim your prize.

Current entrants:

tristancliffe (He Who Must Be Beaten)
the_angry_angel
f1r3b4ll
Hyperactive
mrbogeyman
nutty boy
Madman_CZ
Bob Smith
Jakg

The Results:

tristancliffe: 8
Madman_CZ: 7
Bob Smith: 5
nutty boy: 4
mrbogeyman: D/Q

I begrudgingly declare Tristan the winner.

[Tukko]

have we been drinking a bit too much Kev?

[Leifde]

I'm interested, do you want a pic as proof?

[tristancliffe]

This is confirmation of my entry into the event (I daren't call it a league), pending purchase of Jaffa Cakes, and suitable balancing of a camera phone in front of a mirror. The Estimated Time of Attempt will be tomorrow evening, i.e. Wednesday 27th September.

[Shotglass]

Originally Posted by thisnameistaken

5) All cakes must all be inserted within a reasonable timeframe to preclude the pre-moistening of any spongey biscuit which comes into contact with saliva-producing thingies. Any longer than thirty seconds for the insertion stage will result in the attempt being brought before the steward, who is quite a mean person, and will probably disallow the attempt.

how about making that rule a little more interesting by also limiting the time to munch and to accurately measure that time each participant has to drive a full lap of aston gp in an rac during his (come on you dont seriously believe becky or tiny would even consider taking part in this event ?) atempt

[thisnameistaken]

Originally Posted by Tukko

have we been drinking a bit too much Kev?

Yes.

Originally Posted by Leifde

I'm interested, do you want a pic as proof?

I don't really want to exclude people, but unfortunately video of the event would be the only fair way to judge it. Sorry.

Tristan is our first entrant!

[the_angry_angel]

Official confirmation from myself also, pending video proof

[Kajojek(PL)]

Hehehehe what a challenge.

[Bob Smith]

Meh, no video here, but I can take lots of stills? Damn jaffa cakes, I can't see me winning. I might try and get my house mates in it too...

[mod]Although this is an "event", it's not LFS racing, and this should really be in off-topic IMO.[/mod]

[thisnameistaken]

Originally Posted by Shotglass

how about making that rule a little more interesting ... accurately measure that time each participant has to drive a full lap of aston gp in an rac

Pfft! Like anyone cares who's the best driver!

Originally Posted by Bob Smith

[mod]Although this is an "event", it's not LFS racing, and this should really be in off-topic IMO.[/mod]

Please do move it if you'd rather it wasn't here. I nearly put it in off-topic, but thought I'd be cheeky.

[Shotglass]

Originally Posted by thisnameistaken

Pfft! Like anyone cares who's the best driver!

AHA ! fixing the rules so you stand a chance against tristan

actually i was thinking more about the joys of watching all of you smear choclate all over your momos and dfps and spit chunks of cake soaked with sticky orange stuff all over your screen while you desperately try not to laugh at the absurdity of driving an rac around aston while having your mouth chockfull of junk food

[f1r3b4ll]

I would like to officially enter my challenge into the 2006 Huge Effing Gob aka CaffaJake challenge pending buying cheapo tesco jaffacakes tomorrow wayhey

[Hyperactive]

Hmm, my "profile" kinda forbids me of doing this as it would label me as a (one, 1) noob. So it would be kinda unmoral for me to enter...

so I have to change my profile!

EDIT: done. As I am entering this competition with "ferrarian red thoughts" I announce myself as the pre-chosen jaffa cake challenge winner and shall be therefore called as the "jafaah".

I have a question about the 11th rule - does one get disqualified if the he (the person in question)...dies?

[dawesdust_12]

1 question, what are jaffa cakes, because I have never seen them ever before.

I think that tristan will win, he will just have to file his teeth down to hacksaw type points, and then he will have owned the rest of the competitors (hereforth referred as "losers"). The rest of the losers, will be losing because tristan can defeat all of those losing losers who will lose all the way back to loserville.

[thisnameistaken]

Originally Posted by Hyperactive

I have a question about the 11th rule - does one get disqualified if the he (the person in question)...dies?

Death will result in instant disqualification from the LFS Jaffa Cake Challenge and any future competitions held by... pretty much anybody. I cannot stress the importance of surviving the challenge strongly enough.

[Hyperactive]

Originally Posted by thisnameistaken

Death will result in instant disqualification from the LFS Jaffa Cake Challenge and any future competitions held by... pretty much anybody. I cannot stress the importance of surviving the challenge strongly enough.

But the person in question has a right to file a complaint against the jaffa cake challenge organization/random jaffa cake maker if severe damage has been noted to have been occured during jaffa cake hand-to-mouth transportation phase? As this isn't in contradiction with the parts 2, 4, 5, 8, 9 one should have a definitive right to file a lawsuit against the jaffa cake itself or the hand that is executing the jaffa cake transfer? And in such case a defensive attoyrney (=cheaky lawyer) must be appointed by the organization behind the evil challenge. And all cost (including funeral of the jaffa cake and the participant) must be covered by the jaffa cake challenge organization/random jaffa cake maker.

And veto rights? Vote bans? Active suspension?

Is training and mouth warming before the actual event allowed? Does it count if the person in question don't have teeth at all (or they are in his/her poscket)? Should the jaffa cakes be inserted into the pocket then to fully establish the contact between jaffa cakes and all mouth related parts/accesories? In such case does the whole amount of the jaffa cakes count or is it just the jaffa cakes positioned in the victim's ...mouth?

Can I use hamsters to drag the jaffa cakes from my mouth to my stomach? (as the hamster being an internal part it can not be seen as a moving aerodynamic object? Unless something goes horribly wrong.)

EDIT: and are foreign liquieds allowed to enter into the mouth while the reprocessing is in its active phase? If not, must one block his/her nostrils to prevent such occurance?

[dawesdust_12]

Theres always some noob trying to bend the rules... and the FIA will bias towards him.

[Shotglass]

Originally Posted by Hyperactive

...

are you by any chance an attorney ?

[Hyperactive]

Originally Posted by Shotglass

are you by any chance an attorney ?

Selft-taught, yes.

[dawesdust_12]

He calls himself Bond, James Bond. Attorney at Jaffa Cake Law.

[Hyperactive]

http://xbc.xanga.com/be1a07337643127334582/z6307701.jpg

[banshee56]

Hey, you gotta Blue Flag rule for this??

[nutty boy]

This is so funny. Greatest event in the history of LFS. And if I hadn't made the biographies thread it wouldn't have happened. So, technically, I created this great event. I shall be called Jaffa King. And where a crown made of Orange jelly.

I'm buying some Jaffa Cakes today so i'm in.
Do the Jaffa's have to be orange flavoured? Or can they be blackcurrant, lime or strawberry or whatever flavours they've released now. I'd prefer Orange but i don't know which i'll be getting.

[Bob Smith]

Hey, does it depend which brand of jaffa cakes we eat, either cheapos or "proper ones"? Surely there must be minot texture/size differences between them? And changing flavours sounds suspiciously scrupilous.

Originally Posted by Hyperactive

EDIT: done. As I am entering this competition with "ferrarian red thoughts" I announce myself as the pre-chosen jaffa cake challenge winner and shall be therefore called as the "jafaah".

[tristancliffe]

Whilst you lads are sitting here spamming about rules, I'm out there practicing. You don't find Schumi chatting much during the run up to 'an event', so why should I!!!!

You're all going DOWN!

[three_jump]

I knew it... you guys are all off-the-wall...

[Hyperactive]

I think I need to rethink my participation. You brits must have some weird thing about jaffa cakes. You make videos of yourself trying to stuff as many jaffa cakes as possible in your mouth:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8eV6...elated&search=

Then you make musics videos about jaffa cakes (inluding a panda and a fish):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvhCK...elated&search=

The you... well, make more in-depth films about jaffa cakes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26YNO...elated&search=

You even film it when you go buy them:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSRX1...elated&search=

Now, let's just think that the uk ran out of jaffa cakes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8J_nS...elated&search=

[tristancliffe]

Bloody Finns, all they ever do is search the internet for Jaffa Cake videos...

[Madman_CZ]

Bloody good thread!!! Hope no one chokes themselves to death during this challenge, especially Tristan, I mean the LFS forum wonldn't be the same without him, ok so it might be less spam free..

I wish luck to all participants, may the force be with you!

i sense this is the start of Jaffa Cakes taking over the world! muhahaahahh

[nikimere]

Pffft! I laugh in the face of your Jaffa "girly" Cake Challenge....
Try a REAL mans biscuit, try Fig-Rolls!! muwha ah ah ah ah!!