Humour - What do you do on the straights?

[Funnybear]

Just bumped it into top gear, got a few seconds spare on the back straight.

How do you fill your time?

Sip of Coffee? Bite of a sandwich? Quick buff of the moniter?

Humourous answers only. A prize to the funnniest*.



















*Ok, not so much a prize, more just the honour of having the only fully working funny bone in the comunity . .. .

[bal00]

Checking the forum...brb

[felplacerad]

i'll reply without trying to be funny.

i usually have a zip of coffee. haven't had an accident yet :)

[Vain]

I sometimes place a bag of M&Ms behind my wheel and eat some while driving down a straight. ;)

Vain

[SKurjz]

alcohol

[Billeh]

a slurp of red bull lol maybe a ciggy if needed and the odd phone call lol on the mobile

[Greboth]

Does anyone do anything funny?
I usually check fuel / position times / lap times / tyre temps etc

[Vykos69]

beer^^

[mike20002]

Picking my nose... :D


Edit: Sometimes I even take a power nap... ;)

[richo]

scratch my nuts or my arse , either way its all goood

[SamH]

UF1000: Boil a kettle, make a coffee, check the forum, feed the dog, take a shower, eat lunch.

BF1: Blink.

[xaotik]

Work.

[AndroidXP]

Awkwardly trying to type something in the chat, only to realize that I'm too slow or suddenly ending up in that grass strip over there :(

[ferox.CHIEF TAOA]

Sometimes on a straight I check and adjust the position of my "friend" between my legs
:P

[NotAnIllusion]

Uh, Pringles. Naturally. :D

[mrbogeyman]

Picking my nose... :D


Edit: Sometimes I even take a power nap... ;)

ditto..........:tilt:

either that or I make distracting noises on team speak!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!

[Qurpiz]

Fall asleep and wake up.

[herki]

Doing some somersaults :)

[apenao]

Sometimes on a straight I check and adjust the position of my "friend" between my legs
:P

Man, you are either homosexual or very lucky.

Well, errrr even if you are homosexual I guess you are lucky.




Just Kidding :=)



---------------------
Plz excuse my english

[FOX 1977]

Hi,...sometimes i put the magazines Block ( many taped together to hold the pedals down) , into the gas pedal, center the wheel, and like " flash gordon ", go to the kitchen to grab something to eat and get right back to the chair...doesn't work everytime, obviously. :)
I still must try to go to wc...someday...hehehe, using UF1000 maybe..

Fox 1977

[Tomi]

when doing league races (all sims concerned), I use to have something to drink in those bottles made for bicycle racers (don't know how they are called in english).

In summer, I sometimes uses a camelback :)

[Hyperactive]

I read the bible and chant ;)

[Highsider9]

I check if there's a new patch out.

[BWX232]

Wipe the armpit sweat off that's rolling down my sides.

[Primoz]

I eat if i have anything to eat :D Otherwise, pick nose, scratch between the legs, the usual stuff :)

[ATHome]

I better shouldn't tell here, what I am doing while driving on the straights...

There might be children around :smileypul:shy:

[sgt.flippy]

I don't do straights

[Gunn]

I tell the twins it is time to swap sides.

[MyBoss]

Scratch my crotch

[george_tsiros]

yell at the speedo, hoping i'll scare it higher.
hum the engine noise, see if i can match the frequency
if i am bored, try to wreck the drive train by clutching and going 5gears down or in reverse.
do a 180 turn and go backwards.

[Primoz]

LOL!

BTW, talking about food made me hungry.

PIPI AWAY!! :pillepall:D

[der butz]

hmm, long straight... let's take BL..

Everytime I leave the chicane I wander into a big forest. I see trees, birds, spiders dancing their zigzag little dance. A hippo is crossing my way in delightness, wondering how fast I can run. Hobbits and elves invite me to a party with beer, bread and fine smoking herbes. And just as I walk over the rich and soft green grass I realise.....




SHOOT! missed the turn again!

[wsinda]

Man, you are either homosexual or very lucky.

Well, errrr even if you are homosexual I guess you are lucky.Hey, cut it out! This thread is about straights, remember? :D

To answer the original question: a quick check to see if the kids are still asleep.

[Bob Smith]

Can't think of anything humorous. I either slag off other racers by text, eat, check tyre temps/damage, open the window if I'm getting hot, adjust the blind, draw the curtains, open or shut the door, hmm, what else is in reach of my chair?

Sometimes I drive along the straight looking backwards, if I'm in an open top car with someone right behind me. Kinda like chicken. I started doing something similar on my pushbike, going down the hills with my eyes shut. I stopped though before I regretted it, with parked cars everywhere and my less than stellar sense of balance.

Hey, cut it out! This thread is about straights, remember? :D
:D

[Becky Rose]

Check my hair in the mirror incase any spectators are watching my car whilst I race.

[mike20002]

I forgot to mention that when I take my power nap, i put my car into a lean against another car on the straight... then when he turns my FF wheel turns and I wakeup to make the turn... :D

[chp101]

When in front - look back and make funny faces,
when catching - duck to gain speed.

Actually, it's just a stretch and look back/forward to check situation (I don't use map/position list.. ;P

[ferox.CHIEF TAOA]

Man, you are either homosexual or very lucky.

Well, errrr even if you are homosexual I guess you are lucky.




Just Kidding :=)



---------------------
Plz excuse my english

I don´t mean this kind of "friend" :P
but, mmmh, maybe I can ask my girlfriend for some action on the next straight :D

[Biohazard]

what am i doing on straights? :scratchch

keep driving :D


no, seriously, always got huge amounts of icetea or coke bottles right beside me ;)

[chp101]

When you get it all out, on long pit-stops?

[Hatemaker]

what am i doing on straights? :scratchch

keep driving :D


no, seriously, always got huge amounts of icetea or coke bottles right beside me ;)

Same. I usually drink, or grab some chips or whatever else I'm snacking on. Maybe glance at my TV? If my TV is off, and I have nothing to drink or eat, I guess I just sit there and drive down the straight.:shrug: My room's too big for me to reach over and mess with anything... Unless I want to superman-dive from my chair to my bed, which is hard, since it's 3 meters away.

[Shotglass]

manji :)

[Moonclaw]

I usually unzip my pants.

[sgt.flippy]

^^ Yell jumanji so the pink elephants disappear? It's just becky's car :x

[_Rob_]

Back in the demo, when racing GT/i, sometimes I set the wheel straight, and tabbed over to IRC (on 2nd monitor) and had a quick chat :p

[richy]

make a roll up and smoke it but i usually try to light it in the corner and trying to steer with elbows is not recommended.

excellent thread :thumb:

[Barroso]

everyone knows you can steer with your knees :D

[avellis]

I press "B" like mad.

However, if I'm on the single-seaters, I press F3 which prints out "*honk honk*" to everybody.

Then I'm counting seconds for reactions like "STFU" or "<foo> blocked messages".

[96 GTS]

When S2 first came out, I ate my entire lunch whilst racing on the oval with the FO8, I actually placed second, too.

Now on the straights I munch from the box of Cheez-Its at my desk or look out the window to see if any cool cars pass by.

I've also done an entire race at Blackwood while talking on my moble, but that didn't work all that well.

[nutty boy]

Hey that's not hard. I could do that.

Anyway on the straights I usaully eat/drink the thing that is in front of me and the other day i dropped something and when I was on there I picked it back up again.

[deggis]

I wank.

[Kalev EST]

:munching_

[Stellios]

have a drink, scratch my nuts, grab a sweet, change TV channel, change music track

nout interesting really

[KaverL]

Take my dog off my lap..

[anbiddulph]

go on msn :razz::razz::razz:

[mrbogeyman]

@anbiddulph (http://www.lfsforum.net/member.php?u=50024)

small sig.........:D

[vanirl]

At the speed I drive I could write war and peace :shy:

[Madman_CZ]

depends what car :D

witht the uf1 around aston i jam my accelerator and run off to teh kitchen for some grub...

if its the bf1 your talking about then i just "Blink" and "Breath"

other cars i usually stare outside the window pointlessly:nod:

mad

[JohnPenn]

Eat chicken noodle soup

[Rappa Z]

prepare for the next turn:D or try to hear the ice cream man:D.He just went byy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[KiD-OtA]

I masturbate

[Rappa Z]

ppl seem to like there nuts/crotch/penis(there i said it). Is it just me?

[BigDave2967]

I masturbate

With the pinky and index finger?

On the straights, I tend to have a quick drink of whatever I am having, to keep my mind fresh, or on a more serious matter, I check my fuel, tyres, and times on the other racers.

[Kris-Is-Awesome]

the usual- scratch the nuts, maybe a few shakes?

Hell, After a turn onto a straight, I over-correct the car until the next straight, of course. Need to keep the tires hot!

[gdally]

Break up some weed and take a bong hit :thumb:

[joen]

I milk the cow.

[snewham]

I normally rotate through all the different views very quickly until it makes me dizzy and i spank the car into th wall :)

[tristancliffe]

I like to hacksaw bits of my wheel, a little bit at a time. I know I've gone to far when I can't turn at the end of the straight. Whilst I'm flying over the gravel trap I like to attempt to wedge the offending (lack of) piece back into place, so I can scoot round the edge and rejoin the track.

All with losing a position.

------

Or, I like to see if I can swap my feet on the pedals (so my left is on the accelerator and the right on the brake), without lifting or braking. At the same time I cross my arms over. At this point I shout 'take the photo' at the assembled crowd, pose, wave, sign some autographs, revert to standard pedal/wheel positions, and finish the overtaking move.

But it's only entertaining in the Sauber.

[mr_x]

with me racing UF1's alot straights are a problem

out of the game
luckily i have Freeview so i check what's on tv in the evening
have a drink or eat food
change the DVD in the DVD player
send a text message
call someone (when they ask what the buzzing noise is, i just tell them i needed something to do down the straight)

ingame
check temps, damage etc
weave near the end to make sure tyres are warm enough for the next corner :P
look behind to see if theres anyone close (about 1cm is close in the UF1) :)

[three_jump]

passing the drivers who are busy with other things..... :shrug:

[JohnPenn]

passing the drivers who are busy with other things..... :shrug:

Hey carefull you nearly made me spill my soup

[Ball Bearing Turbo]

Guiness.

[TagForce]

I usually start this conversation with my pitcrew trying to come up with a good strategy for the remainder of the race...
Usually goes like:
"Ok, what my position now, and how are we doing on fuel?"
"..."
"Guys? Could use some feedback here..."
"..."
"Hellooooooo, anybody listening?!"
"..."
"GUYS! ARE WE PITTING LAP 12 OR LA... HOLY SH***!!!" (lots of crackles, uhmphhs and ouches as I roll the car 6 times because I missed the turn)
"..."
"Yeah, I'm ok guys, thanks for asking."

I think we need a radio in LFS...

(in all seriousness, I do adjust the pit orders for fuel and tire strategies, and in the BF1 on Blackwood I move the Brake bias back 8% on the back straight, and 8% forward on the front straight)

[der_jackal]

Well I used to just take a pull off the beer or relax the hands, but now I'm going to have to spend it trying to block out the possiblity that somebody I'm passing, or being passed BY, could be doing this...


I masturbate


http://lyris-lite.net/img/dnr/simpsons/shudder.jpg
*shudder*

[Bergade]

Try to remember which key I have set as the brake.

[xapexcivicx]

I hit my "HONK IF YOU'RE GAYYYYYYYY" Bind and see how many people honk. It's good fun :)

[Hankstar]

Straights are the only places I can steer with my knees and light my bong without spilling it ...

[Marty502]

Check my makeup on the mirror. :D

[DodgeRacer]

I try to save the car from wrecking that i started the previous turn

[nosliw]

I like to swerve, it keeps the tires nice and.............. worn. :tilt:

[Sub-Zero]

Since I only have a few seconds, I've got to use it up.

*yells

[Will Farell voice] MAAAA!!! MEAAATLOAAAAAF!!!

[AeoIus]

I'm busy accellerating from the crash in the turn before the straight, checking supension damage and tyre temps and contemplating whether I really need to pit this time or if I can survive another crash in the turn after the straight.

That and take a quick sip from a glass of water.

[anbiddulph]

msn for an hour:nod: (in bf1 msn for 1 sec)

[der butz]

Okay, since so many have posted their intimate life I now can really say what I'll do on a long straight:

I laugh like hell imagining that every second driver is scratching/positioning his noodle!
http://www.aseclub.net/gallery/albums/album52/Al_Bundy.jpg

Man this is embarrassing XD

[The Dide]

I'm busy accellerating from the crash in the turn before the straight, checking supension damage and tyre temps and contemplating whether I really need to pit this time or if I can survive another crash in the turn after the straight.

That and take a quick sip from a glass of water.

hehe, very good, sounds like the same I do....

[Greboth]

As mainly drive gtrs on bl1 see how long i can 2 wheel my car before i roll over :D Its quite good fun, specialll when pull off a couple hundred metres :)

[Chris_Kerry]

passing the drivers who are busy with other things..... :shrug:

The best so far in my opinion, but credit should go to Tristan for writing the most bollocks in one post in the entire thread :)

[Hyperactive]

hmm, long straight... let's take BL..

Everytime I leave the chicane I wander into a big forest. I see trees, birds, spiders dancing their zigzag little dance. A hippo is crossing my way in delightness, wondering how fast I can run. Hobbits and elves invite me to a party with beer, bread and fine smoking herbes. And just as I walk over the rich and soft green grass I realise.....




SHOOT! missed the turn again!

Made me laugh :D

[FRED]

this is a good thread to find out who not to drive down the straight with :D as for me i usually check tyres and suspension:thumb:

[farcar]

On the straight, I usually look over to my girlfriend who is trying to have a conversation with me. :D She's very paitent, god bless her.

[Vain]

On the straight, I usually look over to my girlfriend who is trying to have a conversation with me. :D She's very paitent, god bless her."Will you please drive a different car than that mini? I want you to respond more often than just every 1:40 minutes!"
"You're so talkative today, what's going on? Oh, you're driving that F1 car..."

Vain

[Funnybear]

Hehe . . . giggle . . . . snort.

Keep it up lads and ladesses. Although it does appear some of you have glossed over the 'humour' part and gone straight to what you really do when going down the straight. But hey, it's good to now . . . .

I'm still deciding what I do.

[the_angry_angel]

Usually I put a brick on my accelerator pedal, shift into top gear and go and have a quick crap.

Charming huh? ;)

[hrtburnout]

I reverse throttle axis settings, and milk the hamsters :D

[banshee56]

Apparently, I try to adjust brake bias settings, only to finish up 50 meters past the braking zone. :pillepall

[hammer it]

I'm so damn fast I don't have time to do anything!! :razz:

[ATHome]

I'm so damn fast I don't have time to do anything!! :razz:

You're not fast, you just have a slow brain :D :razz: jk

[peejayh]

What do I do while I'm going down the straight?
I'm still trying to straighten the thing and regain control after coming round the previous bend. Do us a favour!!!

[Funnybear]

Plug you into a Sega?

[himself]

I listen to my girlfriend asking why I dont answer her on internet comunicator.

[mr_x]

sometimes i try and decide what to do on the striaght, by the time i've decided what to do the straight ends and im into a corner going a bit too fast!

[Daveebee]

I slip in a Dire Straits C.D. One of Mark Knopflers guitar solo's helps me go faster

[TagForce]

last race yesterday i was fighting with fly running on my screen (UFR/ SO town). It was very funny battle,but im better than this little b**ch .) so i win :D

Just wait till you see that large dark stain right in the middle of the screen in your first race today... That's that same fly having the last laugh :P

[KitRacer]

Put my hand to the side of the monitor to dry my nails...
:shy:

:pillepall

I paint them in the curves

:razz:

[shim]

i got make a vegimite sandwitch..

[HRT SHAUN]

if its not a serious race and im leading or losing by alot i generally play with my shifter seeing how much i can gear down without getting compression lock, also in a league race i will turn my desk fan on or off depending on temperature, also adjust volume

[HugeF1]

I floss.

[Neokiller]

I let my girlfriend drive a bit... and i go get a beer and some chips...to bad that sometimes when i come back she already crashed someone... :shrug:

[Nesken]

usualy on straights i talk with my car wondering why hes so slow and others so fast

[rcpilot]

Crash. :(

[n2oaddict]

Uh, Pringles. Naturally. :D

All right! Pringles FTW.

[Blackout]

I get bored.

[MAGGOT]

I usually open up another beer...

For those who take this suggestion - DO NOT open up Sleenman while driving. I always have them explode on my when I try to open one while driving. Usually it'll be an Alexander Keith's or a Molson Canadian :)

[bo-kristiansen]

- pick my nose and discover that my coffe's gone cold and dust off cigarret ashes from my wheel.

[sweeney]

Tab to the car in front to see how much faster they are going than me..

[MadCatX]

Check the tyres - F9, F9, check the fuel - F12, F12, try to count if 1.9% are sufficient for another lap, check the standings.... whooooops, there is a chicane - brake u fool.....:D

[rafo_cardenas]

hummm ...what I do? (lap 1)

[rafo_cardenas]

Well, I am currently at Blackwood back straight (lap 2)

[rafo_cardenas]

Which makes me wonder... (lap 3)

[rafo_cardenas]

which track has the longets straight? (not oval) (lap 4)

[mrbogeyman]

classic.... :D

[Rotary]

Take my dog off my lap..

That's not a nice thing to call your partner :D

Normally I play with/pet my pussy on long straights :D :D

Beer must also be consumed on straights. :D

[ElShotte]

In the GTI on Blackwood, I start weavin back and forth in my chair and blowing at my monitor, sometimes I light up a cig, take a sip of whatever, I must tell you, if my glass is behind my monitor and I reach over, sometimes I spin out with the XRT Turbo... gas pressed, as Im leaning over I move the mouse and start drifting to later on, loose control, do a 180, wave to the guy passing me, meanwhile switch to R and twist the wheel, switch back to first and chase that f**ker hoping he will crash on the next turn.

[v4forlife]

check the tyres/fuel/suspension, scratch myself or get all pissy at my fps.....occasionally grabbing a drink or composing a full symphany.

[Aquilifer]

Swear...after my optical mouse has got one of those "fits"(*) and i've made a 90 degree turn, hit the wall, ruined my car, caused a huge crash and pissed off evertbody. :D

(*) By a 'fit' I mean a 'miss reading' in an my optical mouse when it thinks I move my mouse 1 meter left or right while i'm not actually moving it at all. :(

On one of those rare cases when my mouse does not get a fit...i play with my own made LFS car radio to change the track to something like "Eye of the tiger" which helps me to whip myself for a 1:33.xx lap time in BL1 with XFG :tilt:

Cheers

[spsamsp]

If i'm in a race, i usually end up hitting tab and looking at the exact position of the other racers. Only then to find that i'm on the grass, doing 300 360 degree spins! :shrug:

[Vendetta]

i always try and get side by side to a person, and just have a stare off down the straight..fun stuff :D

[Darkone55]

Sending everybody setups, which are on the setup field too... :/

[freebaSe]

Awkwardly trying to type something in the chat, only to realize that I'm too slow or suddenly ending up in that grass strip over there :(

lmao :)
that's me too

[MataGyula]

A couple of possibilities ...
a) ... iam singing my sooong , oh yeeeeah ... louder and louder, and now the high tones with eyes closed .... /opens eyes\ oh faaahk, where's that corner ? o_O
b)iam in a middle of an important race, but my sister comes in and starts to disturb me ... so iam asking her, to leave the room ... she is not leaving... get the f**k out of here !!! ... She is not leaving >:| ... i tell her, that I wont help her with maths ... she leaves the room ^^
c)an importat race again, which is so interesting, and my adrenalin is so high, that i can not even think about anything else, just the next corner/racer/lap :)
d)simply enjoying LFS =)

[nutty boy]

Usaully what happens for me is i start going down the straight, my comp freezes, I carry on accelerating as there is someone behind me, then it unfreezes and I find myself 30 metres in the air doing loop the loops.

[EricL]

I loosen the jaws

[Ginger(NOS)]

A couple of possibilities ...
a) ... iam singing my sooong , oh yeeeeah ... louder and louder, and now the high tones with eyes closed .... /opens eyes\ oh faaahk, where's that corner ? o_O


briliant!!!!! that really made me laugh.

[Ginger(NOS)]

start my victory dance and usually forget im racing or stil holding on to wheel witch ussualy ends up in in a crash or i rip of the wheel from the desk when i start moonwalking.

or i spin do a 720 with my chair :P hahahaha then folow it up with a 720 in XRT

or im resting from my last activities on straights :P

[DieKolkrabe]

Here's what I do on a car by car basis:

UF1: Fall asleep or go to the kitchen to make tortillas
XFG: Same as above, but grab Pringles
XRG: See above, but first edible thing I come to
XRT: Try to get it sideways
FXO: Try to make the car less boring to drive
RB4: Try to get it sideways AND pass somebody. I fail miserably.
FXR: Think I'm a cruise missile and go straight on.
XRR: Brake WAY too early. Usually wind up in a dead stop
FZR: See above. Except I brake too late
FBM: Try to flat shift. Repeatedly. (Don't ask)
MRT: Go to the kitchen to get a drink.
FOX: Stare over the top of the windscreen growling in my helmet
FO8: Usually wind up spinning as I hit the throttle
BF1: Blink. Miss the turn. Yell 'OH S**T!' and retire

Any I missed?

[alex_du_77]

UF1000 with 50% intake restriction :

Monday 8:00am :Accelerate - Go to School;
Friday 7:00pm : Back to home - Slow down before turn

[Mackie The Staggie]

weave randomly about just to pee the person in front as much as possible. Also to plan what I NAPALM:hbomb: next (think its the front lawn)

[DieKolkrabe]

UF1000 with 50% intake restriction :

Monday 8:00am :Accelerate - Go to School;
Friday 7:00pm : Back to home - Slow down before turn

Is that on the oval? :P

weave randomly about just to pee the person in front as much as possible. Also to plan what I NAPALM:hbomb: next (think its the front lawn)

o.O Why not NAPALM!!!! the race leader? :D

[batteryy]

drink coffee or energy drink
take my hands outta the wheel and see how long i can drive without hands
drive no-handen, try to chat

[Dajmin]

I wank.
The newest Apple gadget. Use your imagination.

[tinvek]

far too often it's move a cat thats just decided to stand in front of the monitor

[Qurpiz]

Touch myself

[Mackie The Staggie]

o.O Why not NAPALM!!!! the race leader? :D

Unfortunately the mod has been finalised by the Devs.....damn you

[DieKolkrabe]

^ That's a shame

[farcar]

Straights and Beer

BF1: Attempt sip of beer, miss corner, beer spilled on lap.
FZR: Quick sip of beer, run wide on corner. Smile and think that it was worth it. :)
RB4: Leisurely sip of beer, take corner.
XFG: Pour beer in to tall frosted glass, ensure head is not too big but not too small, leisurely sip, take corner.
UF1: Brick on accelerator, minimise LFS, study beer brewing techniques on Wikipedia, wander out to back yard shed, brew beer, bottle it, refrigerate it, pour in to tall frosted glass (ensure head is not too big but not too small), wander back to seat, edit beer brewing wiki article to correct errors, press Alt+TAB, remove brick, leisurely sip of beer, take corner.

[james_bskt]

Well my wheel goes crazy if i let go, the force feedback goes side to side until the car is uncontrolably weaving.. so if i get a drink or do something with my hands i hold the wheel still with my forehead! :D

It hurts on 100% FF

[Racer556]

Well my wheel goes crazy if i let go, the force feedback goes side to side until the car is uncontrolably weaving..
Mate, go check your wheel's drivers, the LFS FF is crashing against you wheel drivers... be sure to turn all wheel effects off for LFS

[tenmantaylor]

In GPL on the long straight at Nurburgring (20-30s straight!) we used to have full on chats or announce top speed etc

[webdigga]

far too often it's move a cat thats just decided to stand in front of the monitor

Likewise. My cat has caused me a few accidents so when I get a decent straight I use this time to 'nudge' the cat back to the floor.....

[Smurfen]

i get bored, starting to weave about arab style irritating others and slamming into one of them trying to pass:thumb:

[DieKolkrabe]

You wrecker Smurfen o.O

[Rappa Z]

scracth my balls.:x

[swisscosmo]

I try to bumb into all the people i can reach so when they come back to turn the cornor they find someone burning rubber trying to get away from the the person i bumbed but really no i just pay attention to the road and check standings sometimes.

[UncleBenny]

Mate, go check your wheel's drivers, the LFS FF is crashing against you wheel drivers... be sure to turn all wheel effects off for LFS

I have all the effects off, still does this on mine. If you leave it perfectly straight its fine but if its a little off the FF just bounces back and forth uncontrollably.

[Smurfen]

You wrecker Smurfen o.O

just having some fun on the boring straights :D besides, is stupid to pass someone which is weaving about uncontrolled :nod:

[JO53PHS]

Am I the only person to notice the epic 2 and a half year bump? o_O

:D

[Furiously-Fast]

I get bored, so I put AI in the BF1 and make it go the opposite direction, or place a barrier(s) at the end.:tilt:

[LiveForBoobs]

on the straights i close my eyes a little and take a nap.

[Stefani24]

UF1: Ordering a really big Pizza
FXO: Get Icetea from kitchen
FXR: Take a big sip of icetea
BF1: Missing the next corner

[LiveForBoobs]

Go put the toasts on the "oven" or whatever its called in english, and on the next lap, go get them already toasted. So i must do a good lap, or they get too crusty.

[Senninha25]

UF1: Watch an episode of Mr.Bean, a wrestling clip, and Michael Winslow making noises in the aircraft

XRT: Make a Jimi Hendrix impression trying to out-perform Michael Winslow (and failing)

BF1: Trying to put my headphones in the speakers as fast as possible when my mom is making a "speech" before I lose the car and (probably) swear out loud after losing the car and plowing it against a barrier and afterwards my connection due to lag (when nobody is in my room, that is)

[Velociround]

I usually start chatting... I check my messages on STEAM (shift + tab), see who's online and start chatting... depending on the car I also go to the steam community check other people's profile, etc
Also, I play catch with my dog throwing the ball far enough so he won't come back until next straight :tilt:

Am I the only person to notice the epic 2 and a half year bump? o_O

:D

whoa I have just notice it now that you said it :D

[Stefani24]

Oh yeah:
UF1 50% intake restriction: play a map css gungame.

[DieKolkrabe]

just having some fun on the boring straights :D besides, is stupid to pass someone which is weaving about uncontrolled :nod:

Crash or die, much? :D

[AMB]

I wank.

Must be a short straight.

[Kristjan.J]

Eating or drinking something... not funny though. :shrug:

Sometimes setting my wheel up again as I'm so pro to rip it off the table. :x

[5haz]

Play a few chords. :)

[Luke.S]

UF1 with full restriction: go to school.
XRT: Try to go sideways
FZ5: Try to keep it going in a straight line
FZR: Complain about too much grip
BF1: Think, where did the straight go?

[Smurfen]

Crash or die, much? :D

people usually keep some distance when im messing about, so no serious dmg yet :D

[ghost racer]

Take hits from the bong

[Smurfen]

as you can see on my car here; http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3005/2662554429_d2f75e0c3d.jpg?v=0

[chanoman315]

i just change my view to see how my car looks, or change it to other drivers

[mookie427]

beat one out

[psychometalist]

press the throttle.

[evilpimp]

I scratch whatever it is that is itchy at that time, take a deep breath if its after a battle for position, stretch a bit, chat if its on a public/pick up racing server and get ready for the next corner. :)

[NitroNitrous]

I check cpu temperature, vga temperature, hard disk temperature, chipset temperetaure, gpu use, cpu use, used ram and used vram in my Alphacool lcd :nod:

[shiny_red_cobra]

I have a staring contest with that squirrel on the tree outside my window. So far I'm no match for him.

[Becky Rose]

Q: What do you do on the straights?
A: I don't know i've never had a straight.

[wheel4hummer]

Q: What do you do on the straights?
A: I don't know i've never had a straight.


:wow:

[Psysim]

Pull my mouse far away so that the signal cuts out, its kind of like having cruise control. Swig on a bottle of wine as it saves washing a glass, push the cat off my lap, re-light my Rollie and manage to flick ash slickly over my keyboard. If I have time I pop of the room to look for cheap flights on teletext, hang out the washing, polish the car, vacuum the living room and cook dinner..... :really: I know you don't believe me! I do it all just after I pop into the phone box and put on my superman outfit.

Yeah, the truth is... I just watch the screen like every other lfs addict here! :nod: :nod: :nod:

[Sueycide_FD]

UF1: randomly insult others in the race
XRT: Arab.
FBM: stare down the insanely small speedometer to see if i can reach 135 mph
UFR: Smash the brakes to do a really cool frontflip :D
XRR: prepping to throw my keyboard at the awaiting oversteer
BF1: Try to overcome the really loud wind.

[JeffR]

I pretend it's real life and practice reloading my weapon of choice for the day, while driving with my knees (I live near Los Angeles). Although I'll admit that using the quick loader plastic tabs that let you load all 6 bullets at once in a pistol seems like cheating. Looks like I'll be ready for Need For Speed Undercover now.

[marzman]

I open kinder surprise eggs. The next lap i can put the toy together.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2115/1704861985_8e1d285bbc.jpg

[Chrisuu01]

I usualy eat a kitkat when i have one

[Furiously-Fast]

UF1 - I do maths homework.:schwitz:

[bmwe30m3]

UF1:Full restriction,BL1
Day 1.Get on the straight.
Day 2.Watch my monitor,how far am i.
Day 3.Still not there.
Day 4.Still not there.
Day 5.I've crashed,and banned from the server.
Day 6.My PC has frozen

XFG:Die of boredom,have funeral,and go to hell/heaven
XRT:Die of boredom
BF1:Leave the chicane,shift up few times,shift down few times and take the corner

Dno any more car atm

[Syfoon]

Flick nose goblins at the dog.

10 points if I hit the little ginger ba...

[alland44]

I try to remember the track I`m driving, so I can prepare for the upcomming turn :D

I get them right 50% of the time !

[DavidSco]

I check tyres/clutch temperature and change things for pit-stops if needed. I also like to change the camera angle to the one where it's like the TV camera and watch the car go by. But on ConeDodgers that just spectates me... :x

[scoobyrbac]

I scratch whatever it is that is itchy at that time, take a deep breath if its after a battle for position, stretch a bit, chat if its on a public/pick up racing server and get ready for the next corner. :)

Same here. When im in a battle for position I get like 2 inches from my screen and stick my tounge out and my hands sweat so I wipe them off.

[el pibe]

on the straights i go onto facebook , look my profile , look at my gf's ( well ... my 4 gf's) and then a white stuff appears on my screenie ...:x

[sgt.flippy]

4 girlfriends: .jpg, .avi, .bmp and .wma!

[evilpimp]

Same here. When im in a battle for position I get like 2 inches from my screen and stick my tounge out and my hands sweat so I wipe them off.

Ah, yes, forgot the wiping sweat off hands and arms and putting deodorant too sometimes :P.

[bunder9999]

Q: What do you do on the straights?
A: I don't know i've never had a straight.


/me buys becky a strapon. :D

[Takumi_lfs]

smoke some weeeeeeed.

[CSU1]

smoke some weeeeeeed.

+1:thumb:

[Gills4life]

I am on BL straight right now :thumb:

Should explain what I do when I am driving on it ;)

[AMB]

Beat my meat.

[Gills4life]

Is that why your racername is; Messy ? :smileypul

[AMB]

Is that why your racername is; Messy ? :smileypul

Your the first person to crack the code of my name :o

Maybe I gave too much away in my last post :x

[Gills4life]

Excuse me for one moment ...

:vomit:

... better :tilt:

[AMB]

lol....it's just what I do.

[Gills4life]

I have a nose bleed :(

[/spam]

[AMB]

I have a nose bleed :(

[/spam]

Let's get back on topic, well seriously when i'm on a straight I normally adjust my jeans or check my mirrors.

[Sueycide_FD]

Let's get back on topic, well seriously when i'm on a straight I normally adjust my jeans or check my mirrors.

O rly?

[zeugnimod]

Let's get back on topic, well seriously when i'm on a straight I normally check my mirrors.

You are insane!!

No normal person would do something like that. :schwitz:

[CSU1]

the days before the clutch wear i liked to put it in reverse (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mB3i07SgZO4) on the straights:D

:something:wizard::saythat:

[squidhead]

This thread has just made my day, this is really funny. Some answers are quite disturbing, and some of them only represent the truth, but some of them are simply brilliant. As a matter of fact, i'd like to say asfgesDVCX



EDIT : Sorry for that ending, a corner was coming up, had to jet...

[AMB]

You are insane!!

No normal person would do something like that. :schwitz:

You have to be 1337 to do it, without failing because it requires so much skill, no one would DARE do it.

[J@tko]

I check tyres/clutch temperature and change things for pit-stops if needed. I also like to change the camera angle to the one where it's like the TV camera and watch the car go by. But on ConeDodgers that just spectates me... :x

So it isn't just me that does that? yay :tilt:

/me buys becky a strapon. :D
:D

[Töki (HUN)]

I usually check the tyre temp/fuel data :tilt:

[Timdpr]

I usually pass the eating/sleeping/masturbating/reversing/bleeding/scratching/peeing drivers.

All whilst eating/sleeping/masturbating/reversing/bleeding/scratching/peeing.

:D

[superstix]

Drive with my chin!

[z3r0c00l]

I do my most frantic Murray Walker impression whilst simultaneously waving a checkered flag and making my very best "the crowd goes wild" noise and also playing Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain" (the good bit a minute or so in) using an ingenious one man band set-up involving me wearing a bass guitar, a normal guitar, and a bass, high-hat and snare drum, and tabbing between the various views in LFS in order to get that classic "montage" feeling.

[dawesdust_12]

I try to start casual chats with my fellow drivers, or I chat on MSN with my laptop.

EDIT: However, my most fun that I've had on the straight involved me ending up missing the corner due to distraction... :hide:
<glares at girlfriend>

[z3r0c00l]

girlfriend

LOL - as if anyone on this forum other than Becky has a girlfriend.

[J@tko]

LOL - as if anyone on this forum other than Becky has a girlfriend.
Have you not seen the 'post your girlfriend' thread? :tilt:
Unless.....

[dawesdust_12]

LOL - as if anyone on this forum other than Becky has a girlfriend.

I can provide evidence if needed? Have you not noticed either that my posts/minute has gone down a drastic percentile about.. 7 months ago?

That's why.

[z3r0c00l]

Have you not seen the 'post your girlfriend' thread? :tilt:
Unless.....

Yeah, I'd rather people think I'm making mine up than allow them to masturbate furiously over a picture I've put up of her, likely to the Tron soundtrack if my experience of internet people is anything to go by..... :thumb:

[Senninha25]

New thing! I now try to make a Mr. Bean impression of driving and taking pyjama off, driving with my feet, putting a brick on the throttle and dressing up to my normal clothes, all that in a UF1, that is (duh):D

[BunnyK]

I have a better question for you, what do you do when your wife/friend/nephew comes and asks you simple question when you are doing the best lap ever?:nod:

s!

[squidhead]

I have a better question for you, what do you do when your wife/friend/nephew comes and asks you simple question when you are doing the best lap ever?:nod:

s!

I thought being in a room with all the entries and exits locked while playing LFS is a regular thing... :shrug:

[Becky Rose]

I'm usually too busy chatting on my mobile phone to notice that i'm on a straight.

[mr grady]

I gently lean over in my chair so that my right buttock is lifted off said chair and let one fly.
then i take the next corner one handed as im wafting my delicious fart around the room, usually to the dismay of my other half.
:nod::thumb:

[P5YcHoM4N]

I down a packet of M&Ms, knock back half a beer (there isn't time for M&Ms and a whole beer), clean off any sweat and bitch a bit that the accelerator is a touch too soft for my liking, then move around a bit because my arse has gone numb (I don't have much excess padding like most of you boys, so I can't sit on pooter chairs for extending amounts of time).

[NSX_FReeDoM]

the blackwood straight in the bf1 gives me just enough time for sex with my girlfriend.

[Töki (HUN)]

the blackwood straight in the bf1 gives me just enough time for sex with my girlfriend.

Change that 'b' to 'u' :D

[Pellick]

the blackwood straight in the bf1 gives me just enough time for sex with my girlfriend.

:D:thumbsup:

BW straight with UF1: Put a book on the accelerator, clean the house, watch 6 episodes of Family Guy, do the dishes, have a look at the screen just to make sure the car isn't heading off the track, reinstall WinXP on one of the other computers just to pass time. After this is done it should be about time to start turning.

BW straight with BF1: What straight?

[AMB]

Change that 'b' to 'u' :D

But that would mean he lasts long, and it's better to last long lol, so I say, BF1 at AS1 straight and he's already done and in the shower.

[Funnybear]

My god. Where the hell did this come from? I thought this thread died a long time ago . . . .

Entertaining reading though.

Although I have spotted an overwhelming Crotch theme going on, mainly involving scratching, rearranging, picking, looking at, changing dressings etc etc.

Although those activities are speeded up somewhat whilst driving the BF1.

Good work Community.

[chavm481]

i look at my dog...

[Haze7]

tell the GF I'm not playing a game(over msn)

Or eat, check wheel is secure on desk etc normal stuff.

[Dac]

people chatting whilst racing is crazy. i can just about type "sz" when i accidently bumped into someone. even then it usually sends me onto the grass lol

minimising LFS is insane. im sure these people must have little helpers doing it for them lol

[Funnybear]

I have magic pixies. They help me all the time. They sit on my desk and tell me where to go and all my PB's are made when I'm asleep . . . . Generally at the wheel.

[Gills4life]

i look at my dog...

Is that a euphemism for something else ? :smileypul

[DHRammstein]

First I'll tell the truth, then I'll make up something funny, or maybe dig up a funny memory of something I've done.

I'm a KB user, so usually I wipe my fingers on my pants or something, warm or not, they get a little moist, although I'm not a sweater, this may be common. I take a good look at my tire temps and wear, and clutch temp, while considering what lap I'm on, and figuring out when to push the car, when not to. I'll also have a look at my CPU/GPU temps sometimes, I often run other programs in the background, and some of my OC's are ridiculous so I gotta keep an eye on there. In the pits if I know I have major damage, and need all tires and fuel etc etc, I'll tab out and check any msg's from Aim, or have a look at whatever other program I have running(Decoding, defragging, whatever) It's also a good time to adjust the volume, I never use headphones with LFS, don't really like headphones period, makes music seem dull, unreal, doesn't hit me the way it should. Often I'll light up a smoke(I'm quiting tho, and seriously, it's terrible and expensive, but I rarely light up in the house, and only in the PC room, well ventilated with two dual window fans that run on high, always, only when I'm in the room of course.

Something funny... One time I did attempt to change my sons diaper during a pit stop, needless to say I wound up a lap down, but I think he comes first lol.

I can't think of anything else funny in this particular context, but I do have a funny tale to tell... And I'm very curious, if I'm the only LFS racer to have gotten road head, in the game!..real life plenty have, but in LFS, now, there's a challenge, try to keep pace in a race in that situation ;) True story, heh... seriously I just hit Shift+P after not even a lap, it's just not possible to focus and race.

[Gills4life]

Something funny... One time I did attempt to change my sons diaper during a pit stop, needless to say I wound up a lap down, but I think he comes first lol.


Wrong !!! LFS first :razz: Your son pooped himself, make him wallow in it :D

[Becky Rose]

One time I did attempt to change my sons diaper during a pit stop, needless to say I wound up a lap down, but I think he comes first lol.
Nahhh, to come first he'd have to be on the lead lap ... ;)

[BlueFlame]

Drive with my chin!
lol your signiature doesn't make sense at all hahahahahahahahah

[RudiTurbo]

I sometimes have a drink or blow my nose :D

During important races, I just run some calculations trough my head bout gaps or pit stops or point standings :)

[P5YcHoM4N]

Something funny... One time I did attempt to change my sons diaper during a pit stop, needless to say I wound up a lap down, but I think he comes first lol.

Well at least now you have a bench mark, next time your son needs changing try and only end up half a lap down.

[gp4racer]

just work:smileypul

[Trekkerfahrer]

fire on my cigarette and mostly i have my cup of coffee in my other hand ;)

[harjun]

abuse players on the server

[BoyGTA]

watch tv

[chanoman315]

abuse players on the server
pfff like what...

[harjun]

pfff like what...why did you crash
you alright
wanna go different server?

[Luke.S]

Yell at my computer for minimizing lfs.

[SCORacer]

The cat usually gets knocked for six with FF. :) Comes for a sniff.. ;D

[Kristjan.J]

Scratch my balls..? :shrug: